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Holf’s Takes Episode One

What’s up kiddos? My name is Christian Holferty. This is my first shot at this whole blogging thing so I’m going to be learning as I go here. One thing I can promise is these blogs are going to be riddled with opinions. I can not, and will not, promise that they’re going to be politically correct. In fact, I can almost guarantee that I’ll piss someone off. And if I do piss you off, please don’t contact me. I don’t care.
What I’d like to talk about today is a tweet taking the female world by storm.

I came across this gem the other night and it further solidified my belief that you can go viral for the stupidest shit in the world. But this crosses the line. She got a picture of the damn sky from the night they met, a formation of stars that could have been from any night in the history of the world. Almost 200,000 likes and 50,000 retweets for one of the dumbest gifts in history.
Are you kidding me? This is the key to this girl’s heart? A picture of stars? She can’t stop crying out of joy just because she thought it was so cute. If my girlfriend gave me this as a present, it would be a telltale sign that it was time to bring the relationship to a close.
Ladies, if your man gets you a picture of the sky for your birthday, you should be furious. You should light the picture on fire and then throw the ashes in his face. But wait, there’s more to the story. He didn’t just get her a picture of the sky. He blessed her with another gift. Was it a necklace? One of those Pandora rings that it seems like every girl is wanting? A nice pair of shoes? No, no, and no, he gave her a painting that looks like something a toddler could have crafted.

I think I have an explanation behind all of this. Her boyfriend completely forgot it was her birthday. He woke up and as he was looking through his twitter, he saw all of the birthday tweets about her. He panicked, and came up with a brilliant idea. He went into Google images, found a picture of the night sky, and printed it out. Then he paid his friend who is an aspiring “artist” to paint her a picture. He gave it to her hoping she wouldn’t think he forgot his girlfriend’s birthday and is now being lauded as the best boyfriend ever.
When I started typing, I hated this guy. But now I think this Calee girl is just plain stupid. I hate people.